BEDA 5: Rant

Alright so I have 10 minutes to write this before I have to leave...

Seirously, why do I always wait till the last minute to do this? I've been home all day, not really doing anything important.

Ok. So I'm going to use these 10 minutes to rant. Because I'm just in a ranting mood. If you've read some older posts on my blog on blogspot you might get a little bored with this because it's a little repitious of some things I've said on there. But it's a little different too.

also, I'm warning you, there is some language. I know some people care about that... so I'm giving you fair warning now.

So, if you've read my other posts you'll know that I go to a Catholic school. My parents are Catholic. I go to a Catholic church (because my parents basically make me). I was baptized Catholic as a baby. I have to leave right now to go to a confirmation class at church (parents).

But what if I don't want to be Catholic?
I don't. I don't want to be Catholic.
But you know what? I was never given a choice. No, because I was baptized as a freakin BABY. I mean, that doesn't seem very meaningful to me, baptizing babies. It's not like the babies were making a choice or anything. But, according to the church, and according to my parents, that means I'm fucking Catholic.

And, I don't want to be Catholic. By my standards, I'm not. I'm not Catholic. I never chose to be baptized.

The problem is the rest of the world. I mean, I've told my parents this. Everyone, my whole fucking family, whenever I say I'm not they just look at me and say, "Camille, you are Catholic."

And other people, people who aren't my family, then they ask, "then what are you?" It's a reasonable question I guess. But like... I dont' know. You know what? I don't. I'm not done figuring things out, I'm fucking 15. But the whole time I was at a Christian (not Catholic) school from 4th-8th grade, people have been making me choose. Like I have everything figured out. I've told people many different things. But I don't even know. I change my mind, like every day. I feel like I don't know enough of the possibilities to figure out what I believe. If that makes sense.

But don't call me Agnostic. Please, just don't put a name on me.

I kind of... just want to be my own thing. My own kind of Christian, I think. Like, don't give me a name, don't sort me into a denomination, don't give me rules. I want to find my own God, whoever that is, and believe what I think is right. And I want people to stop forcing me to have my mind figured out now, and stop forcing me to be what they want me to be.

I'm so late to confirmation right now.