I don't even know man

I guess graduating is just kind of weird.

Like I'm oddly sentimental right now and it's strange because I don't even really LIKE my class. Or like. I've never really thought of high school as something I've enjoyed. I just. I don't know. Like I'm going to puke. When the fuck did I change so much from when I started. Like I fucking grew up but I feel like a little kid. I mean I AM just a little kid, really. But I feel so much older than that naive little girl who used to write on this blog.

I don't really know how I'm supposed to feel. I can't stop feeling guilty. It's like I'm looking for things to be wrong. Honestly like all the time I just wanna be high so that these things will go away. Like I just fucking love weed and I wish I didn't have to sneak around so much to smoke it, that seems dumb to me. I just can't stop thinking about money and dependence and how no one seems to want to hire me and how I'm going to college for art but I feel like I'm gonna be wasting everyone's time and money and I don't know because I can't really trust my emotions anymore. And I can't stop thinking about food and how I hate it and how nothing ever changes. I just feel kind of numb and I really really want something to make me feel not numb anymore. I need to snap out of this because things are changing and I don't feel like I'm realizing that as much as I should be

I'm just whining ignore me