oh darn...

Maybe I don't belong anywhere. Maybe I wasn't meant for that. Maybe I was meant to just watch everyone else belong, from the outside. Maybe I'm supposed to know all of the facts, but never be a part of it. Maybe I'm supposed to know about life... but not experience it for myself. Maybe I'm not supposed to be known. Maybe I'm the one pulling the curtain, controlling the lights. Maybe I did what Mrs. Farrar-Perkins hoped we wouldn't. Maybe I peaked in junior high.

I'm too picky. Whenever I'm with the two people I talk to at school, I just sit there wishing I was with you guys while they talk about the Jonas Brothers and a bunch of actors and movies I've never heard of. I'm closing myself away from anyone else, because they're not you guys. Why? Why do I act like they're not good enough or something? It's horrible. Damn. When I write it out like that, it's even more horrible. See? Can't you guys see it? The selfishness? No matter how much I say it... people refuse to believe me.

What do you think of me?

I... somehow people come up with ideas about other people very quickly. (yah... I know that was like, a "duh" statement) But... I don't even know what to think about myself anymore. What made we interesting was... you guys. Without you, at dance... at school... I feel empty.

You guys hold me up, and you're so amazing that you don't even realize it. You guys keep me from thinking my life is worthless. You guys keep me from completely falling apart. Well, falling apart more than I do.

How do you make friends? I've been wondering... my whole life. I'm just... so bad at it. Whenever I've had friends, it's because they've started talking to me. Seriously, for most of my elementary career (hehe... career) I played by myself, walked around the playground over and over and over, and my imaginary friends' lives were WAY too planned out. Seriously, I made up a whole new imaginary world. With bad guys that we had to defeat and everything.

There were a few good friends over the years... but they usually left me after a while. Except for you guys, you guys are... so amazing.