Obligation

I kind of want out.

I kind of don't want to be tied down anymore.

I'm tired of having to say the right thing. I'm tired of having to not say things. I'm tired of having to make sure I do nothing that might even hint at something directed towards you.

I'm scared of saying this, and think that you might think this is about you.

It's not about a person. It's about an idea. It's about something that I somehow am attached to that, I want to be free from.

I have an obligation towards you. To tell you everything I say, everything I do. To make sure that you're all updated on everything.

I have an obligation towards you. To make you feel welcomed. To make you feel important, special. Like you matter. To make sure you don't get hurt. To lie to you so that you feel ok.

I have an obligation towards you. To clean up after you, before people notice. To make sure you are all pretty and polished and ready for the world.

I have many obligations to things and people and just... you. You big ugly monster. Responsibility.

I... want to cut the ties. I want to break... away. I want out.

There is this song by The Monkees called "I Wanna be Free." One time when I was [considerably] younger, I was listening to it in the car with my dad, and he said, "wow, he's being kind of selfish. Kind of whiny." It's true. He is. And I'm being just like him, him in the song. Different situations, but same feeling.

It's true.

I just... want out. Out of all of these invisible obligations.