On Religion... again

You know, I never realized what a small world I was in at PCS. I never realized that what you see is... such a small part of the big picture.

When I first came to PCS in 4th grade, bible class was hard. I had never gone to a religious school before that, and everyone at PCS seemed to know so much more than me.

For example, looking up a verse in the bible. Those of you who came before 7th grade, do you remember the sword drills? Those were so hard for me, seeing as before PCS I had never learned how to look up anything in the Bible.

And all of those Bible stories that everyone just seemed to know. I had gone to Religious Ed when I was little, but that didn't even begin to cover it.

So for the little 4th grade me it seemed like the whole world (or at least the whole Christian world) knew all of this, and I didn't.

But now, at a Catholic school, where a lot of these girls went to Catholic middle schools, the tables have turned.

We were taught how to look up a bible verse. We watched The Prince of Egypt and people didn't know how it ended. I was kind of amazed that people didn't know the Moses story. And now that I think about it, I don't know why I was amazed. What did I think, everyone knew it? How ignorant is that?

I guess because even before PCS I knew the Moses story well. Because of Religious Ed, but also because of Rebecca. Rebecca and I used to pretend we were Jewish slaves trying to escape from Egypt. We played this every day at recess in (my second year of) first grade.

Anyways. I digress. I point is, PCS is a really great school, with really great Bible classes. I owe a lot to those teachers, from 4th grade on. But it's really only one side of a several-sided story. Story isn't the right word... I don't know the right word.

The thing is, now at a Catholic school, at Confirmation classes, at the last couple of retreats I've been to this year, I've started to see the other sides. There is so much I don't know. So much about religion, all of the differences, all of the different beliefs, practices. It's kind of amazing. All of the different things you learn once you leave a strict school like PCS. Please get what I mean by strict. I mean, what they taught was one belief. And they taught it like "this is what is true," whereas the school I'm at now and at confirmation classes, they teach like "this is what some people believe, and this is what other people believe. Now what do you think?"

The first way of being taught is so much easier. They lay it out, so you can understand it. So when you go from that to where I am now, where it seems like all of these different things are being thrown at me from all directions, it's disconcerting. But it's also eye-opening, and really, really, interesting. It's like taking a risk, scary but thrilling. I wouldn't say this is thrilling really, but it is interesting. Seeing different people's point of view.

Thing is, I'm not really sure where I belong. Kelly and I were talking about this last night. (by the way, there is a blog post about that under this one.) I almost just don't want to give myself a title at all, I just want to believe what I believe and not have to stick to a certain group. I'm not saying groups are bad, because they're not. I'm just not really sure where I am at the moment.

So don't challenge me, don't ask me "why aren't you this?" or "why are you that?" because the thing is I don't know either. It's, (I know, I know, this is going to sound cheesy and cliche) it's kind of a journey. Because Taylor Mali is right, "changing your mind is one of the best ways of figuring out whether or not you still have one."

I wrote that on the back of my Religion notebook to remind me to keep my mind open. I want to know as many different people's views as I can in life. Not just on religion, on everything. That's why when I ask people "why?" about their views, I'm not being condescending. I really, genuinely want to know. I want to hear their side of the story, I want to see their point of view. I want to give them the ear to listen to what they have to say without judging, the ear that they want so badly.

Do you get it?