I don't even know man

I guess graduating is just kind of weird.

Like I'm oddly sentimental right now and it's strange because I don't even really LIKE my class. Or like. I've never really thought of high school as something I've enjoyed. I just. I don't know. Like I'm going to puke. When the fuck did I change so much from when I started. Like I fucking grew up but I feel like a little kid. I mean I AM just a little kid, really. But I feel so much older than that naive little girl who used to write on this blog.

I don't really know how I'm supposed to feel. I can't stop feeling guilty. It's like I'm looking for things to be wrong. Honestly like all the time I just wanna be high so that these things will go away. Like I just fucking love weed and I wish I didn't have to sneak around so much to smoke it, that seems dumb to me. I just can't stop thinking about money and dependence and how no one seems to want to hire me and how I'm going to college for art but I feel like I'm gonna be wasting everyone's time and money and I don't know because I can't really trust my emotions anymore. And I can't stop thinking about food and how I hate it and how nothing ever changes. I just feel kind of numb and I really really want something to make me feel not numb anymore. I need to snap out of this because things are changing and I don't feel like I'm realizing that as much as I should be

I'm just whining ignore me

word vomit

I've been so absentminded lately.

Just kind of bored with everything.

Something needs to happen. I think. But if something did I probably wouldn't even notice, or like it.

It's like I don't even need ~substances~ to fuck myself up sometimes, but I do it anyway.

Cause I like it and fuck the ones who judge

I don't know where I'm going to be half a year from now, and that should probably scare me a little more. But I'm finding it hard to feel a lot of things currently. Or well. That's not really true at all. I don't know. Maybe just... fear?

Pierce said I was a space case and I got annoyed that he said that but I guess it's pretty fucking true.

You know, I'm actually in a pretty good mood right now.

This is usually the blog where I spend a long time writing and editing my posts, and where I write specifically about my life and it's happenings, you know, all the boring shit or whatever. Or not so boring shit. But you know, fuck it here's some word vomit for you now.